The Left’s second favorite anti-gun (LT) Colonel (After full bird Colonel Jack Jacobs) is at it again. This time he ventured forth from Firebase (Formerly Great) Britain into the wilds of Suburban AmeriKKKa. And he didn’t like what he saw. (link safe, it goes to Captain’s Journal)
Last month I was traveling, in part with my wife and daughter, and I began to notice something. There were a lot more concealed weapons there than I remember seeing before. Four times in the space of just a few days I noticed men carrying pistols under their shirts, in restaurants, stores, and even in a children’s play area of a shopping mall. This craze, which seems new to me because I have been serving overseas for so long, is taking place not just on the streets or in bars, but in family restaurants and places where we all shop. So that is a part of the solution.
“Four times in the space of just a few days” this desk jockey noticed a concealed carrier. All men, none women. Let me show you how it looked.
There are times where I wish I had a movie (or even a cartoon) production company on hot standby. For your entertainment, here’s my script.
Scene: A restaurant in Suburban AmeriKKKa. It’s crowded, it’s lively, but there’s an undertone of menace.
- LTC BATEMAN: In uniform
- MISS BATEMAN: His Daughter
- MRS BATEMAN: His Wife
- YOUNG BOY
LT COLONEL BATEMAN (From Behind): (In a BAD British accent) (to perky hostess) I’d like a table for three please.
HOSTESS: What name, please?
LTC B: (from front) (like James Bond) Bateman, Colonel Bateman
The camera pans upward from his shiny boots to his face and we see a flash of all his medals.
YOUNG BOY: (In awe) Are you a Soldier?
LTC B: Yes, I’m a Lieutenant Colonel in the US Army
YOUNG BOY: Can I see your medals? What’s this one.
YOUNG BOY points to a Bolo Badge with 4 ladders below it
LTC B: That’s my Power Point Badge. See, it has 4 levels. “Indian Burn, Minor Injury, Serious Injury, and Death!”
YOUNG BOY: Wow!
The undertone of menace grows a bit. LTC B stands and addresses the hostess.
LTC B: (To HOSTESS) I didn’t see a “no guns allowed” sign on the door
HOSTESS: Why would we put one up? It wouldn’t stop the criminals. They’d just ignore it.
The undertone of menace becomes the dominant theme, LTC B looks around the room, seeing bulges everywhere, in all sorts of unlikely places. It’s the first 40 seconds of the above scene from Get Shorty.
The final shot “gun” is a nickel plated Baretta 92FS in the hands of a 3 year old in a high chair. He’s holding it upside down by the barrel and the handgrip, with the trigger guard towards his mouth. His mouth has peanut butter and jelly on it.
LTC B: ARRGH!
LTC B reenacts the Elias death scene from Platoon right there on the floor of the restaurant. We look over his shoulder to see that the “Gun” is actually the remains of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that the child is eating.
YOUNG BOY: Does your dad have PTSD from being “in the shit?”
MISS BATEMAN: Naw, he got it from playing Call of Duty for 6 months while deployed to England.
Scene shifts to a mental hospital. LTC B is fingerpainting.
DOCTOR A: I told you that he wasn’t ready to be released
MRS BATEMAN: You were right, doctor.
Anyone want to make this?