Gun Terror at the Golden Corral
UPDATE: Due to being contacted by an officer at the local police department, I have changed this “story” slightly to remove the department name. For those of you not familiar with this style of story, let me explain. It is a PARODY of the type of anti-gun story you read in the newspaper. The Open Carry dinner did happen. There were no reactions of fear from anyone. There was no actual story. There was no reporter. There was no “witness.” And there was most certainly no fake quote from the local police department.
Original “Story” below:
A heavily armed group of people ate dinner at the local (NC) Golden Corral last night. Witnesses say that the group of approximately 12 people entered the Golden Corral around 7PM, openly displaying pistols on their hips.
“They all sat together in the back and mostly just talked,” said one witness, who asked not to be identified because she was grounded and didn’t want her mother to know she was out of the house. “The sure seemed to think something was funny. They were laughing a lot.” When questioned by this reporter, the manager said “So what? They are polite, don’t cause trouble, and don’t slop the brown gravy all over the floor. That’s a lot better than some of the kiddie sports teams that come in here.”
The group was identified as Triangle Open Carry, a local pro-gun rights group, which apparently takes great delight in taking their guns to eat. Due to North Carolina law, Triangle Open Carry is restricted in their choice of restaurants to establishments that do not serve alcohol, like Golden Corral and Five Guys Burgers.
A spokesperson for the local Police Department contacted for this story asked why we were bothering him about it. “Did they act threateningly? Pull out their guns? Intimidate you away from the salad bar? We have important crimes to solve. We don’t have the manpower to waste harassing citizens for carrying their guns while eating dinner. You do know it isn’t against the law, right?”
The group departed just after 9pm, and there were no reported injuries. It is a miracle that disaster was averted, but with the recent takeover of the North Carolina General Assembly, it doesn’t look like there is any chance to pass emergency legislation to prevent the next such situation.
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