We need to find and identify the Patient Zero in this new outbreak of automotive stupidity. And then we need to kick his ass until his nose bleeds.
What am I talking about? I want to know who thought up the stupid fucking idea to turn on his or her 4-way flashers when driving in the rain. This has got to be one of the dumbest ideas in motoring since the Corvair. If you’re one of those assholes who likes to turn on your 4-ways while driving in the rain, let me enlighten you. 4-way flashers are fucking annoying. They grab your attention and force you to look at them. Now combine that with the fact that you are keeping up with traffic, and I can’t pass you. Now I have to look at the God damned things for the next 10 miles until I can safely pass you. In the rain.
Here’s a fucking clue. If it’s raining, and you’re worried that no one can see you, turn on your fucking headlights. It’s written in the damned law that you need to turn on your headlights. If you turn on the bright white lights in the front, the red lights on the back come on automatically! It’s like fucking magic! And they don’t annoy the shit out of the poor sap that has to follow your dumb ass down the rain soaked highway at 70 miles an hour!
Yesterday I had to drive from Columbia, South Carolina all the way to Butner, North Carolina. It rained hard until I got to about the Greensboro, North Carolina area. That’s about 200 miles. I lost count of the number of assholes who thought 4-way flashers were a neat idea. Two fuckheads stood out as the worst offenders, the dumb ass in the Prius, and the raving asshole in the Mercedes.
The Prius driver didn’t bother with the headlights. I mean, it’s mostly dark, and raining cats and dogs, why would you need headlights? Just turn on the 4-ways and blind everyone, making the drive even more unsafe!
The Mercedes pilot was probably an attention whore. The 4-ways were just another way to get people to look at him. It was raining hard. I was driving the speed limit and was passing people. This brain surgeon was running up the highway in the driving rain at 5 to 10 over the speed limit and weaving in and out of cars, rocking the 4-ways, passing us all. I kept hoping to see him slide off the road so I could laugh at him. No luck. As he passed me, I got a big dopey grin from his dog, hanging his head out of the open rear windows. In the driving rain. At 75-80 miles per hour. I hope the driver dies in a fire.
News flash fuck-o’s, 4-way flashers are used to signal emergency conditions. If you are driving SIGNIFICANTLY slower than the speed limit, turn them on. And if you aren’t a trucker going up a steep grade, GET THE FUCK OFF THE HIGHWAY! If you can’t keep up, get off. If your engine dies, or your car is in some way disabled, go ahead and hit the flashers. Then get off the highway. If you have to pull over in an unsafe location, turn on the flashers. It makes it easier to see you and avoid hitting you. It also tells the cops that you need help. But if you can keep up with the flow of traffic, TURN THOSE DAMN THINGS OFF!
Tell all your friends. Tell all your enemies. Post this to Facebook. Turn off the 4-way flashers in the rain. If there was any justice in the world, cops would pull you over for that and treat you like you were Rodney King. You are a positive hazard to everyone around you. Stop it NOW.
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