Turn off your 4-way flashers you idiot! (Language Warning)

We need to find and identify the Patient Zero in this new outbreak of automotive stupidity. And then we need to kick his ass until his nose bleeds.
What am I talking about? I want to know who thought up the stupid fucking idea to turn on his or her 4-way flashers when driving in the rain. This has got to be one of the dumbest ideas in motoring since the Corvair. If you’re one of those assholes who likes to turn on your 4-ways while driving in the rain, let me enlighten you. 4-way flashers are fucking annoying. They grab your attention and force you to look at them. Now combine that with the fact that you are keeping up with traffic, and I can’t pass you. Now I have to look at the God damned things for the next 10 miles until I can safely pass you. In the rain.
Here’s a fucking clue. If it’s raining, and you’re worried that no one can see you, turn on your fucking headlights. It’s written in the damned law that you need to turn on your headlights. If you turn on the bright white lights in the front, the red lights on the back come on automatically! It’s like fucking magic! And they don’t annoy the shit out of the poor sap that has to follow your dumb ass down the rain soaked highway at 70 miles an hour!
Yesterday I had to drive from Columbia, South Carolina all the way to Butner, North Carolina. It rained hard until I got to about the Greensboro, North Carolina area. That’s about 200 miles. I lost count of the number of assholes who thought 4-way flashers were a neat idea. Two fuckheads stood out as the worst offenders, the dumb ass in the Prius, and the raving asshole in the Mercedes.
The Prius driver didn’t bother with the headlights. I mean, it’s mostly dark, and raining cats and dogs, why would you need headlights? Just turn on the 4-ways and blind everyone, making the drive even more unsafe!
The Mercedes pilot was probably an attention whore. The 4-ways were just another way to get people to look at him. It was raining hard. I was driving the speed limit and was passing people. This brain surgeon was running up the highway in the driving rain at 5 to 10 over the speed limit and weaving in and out of cars, rocking the 4-ways, passing us all. I kept hoping to see him slide off the road so I could laugh at him. No luck. As he passed me, I got a big dopey grin from his dog, hanging his head out of the open rear windows. In the driving rain. At 75-80 miles per hour. I hope the driver dies in a fire.
News flash fuck-o’s, 4-way flashers are used to signal emergency conditions. If you are driving SIGNIFICANTLY slower than the speed limit, turn them on. And if you aren’t a trucker going up a steep grade, GET THE FUCK OFF THE HIGHWAY! If you can’t keep up, get off. If your engine dies, or your car is in some way disabled, go ahead and hit the flashers. Then get off the highway. If you have to pull over in an unsafe location, turn on the flashers. It makes it easier to see you and avoid hitting you. It also tells the cops that you need help. But if you can keep up with the flow of traffic, TURN THOSE DAMN THINGS OFF!
Tell all your friends. Tell all your enemies. Post this to Facebook. Turn off the 4-way flashers in the rain. If there was any justice in the world, cops would pull you over for that and treat you like you were Rodney King. You are a positive hazard to everyone around you. Stop it NOW.

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8 responses to “Turn off your 4-way flashers you idiot! (Language Warning)

  1. “Hazard lights” becoming the hazard. Someone was bound to think of it sooner or later.
    *sigh*

  2. “. It was raining hard. I was driving the speed limit and was passing people.”

    You lost me way before that, but that confirmed it for me. Presumably you have Ted Williams eyesight and the skills of a NASCAR driver, but not everyone does, and many people compensate for road conditions while driving. Berating other motorists for cautious driving in poor weather makes me think you’re one of those road rage types that engages in behaviors like tailgating, horn-honking and blinding other drivers with your high beams because they won’t get the hell out of your way.

    Let me guess: you’re the only one qualified to drive like a maniac in bad weather.

  3. @Bob: No Bob, I was moving with the flow of traffic. Some were a bit slower than me. The speed that others were driving was not an issue for me, except the idiot in the Mercedes who was driving 5-10 MPH over the limit. In dry conditions I drive 5 to 10 over, usually 5 over. The rain forced me to back off the speed. Not the clown in the Mercedes. He was not only driving faster than me, he was weaving in and out of traffic in the rain, running his flashers.

    Try reading the whole thing again before you make more foolish comments.

  4. Don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel!!!

    Many people pull over to the shoulder, place their hazards on, and then forget to turn them off when they begin again.

    If all cars/trucks had the flashers in their outside mirrors, than they would be cognizant of them being left on.

  5. @Dannytheman: You know, if that was it, I could forgive them. People do stupid stuff all the time, and I’m no exception. The problem with that theory is that I watched one lady turn hers on when the rain started and turn them off again when it stopped. I really honestly think that people are doing it on purpose. This mystifies me.

    Now, if they were doing 40 in a 65, then flashers would make sense. I would see them, pass them, and go on about my life. It’s when they run up the highway at the same speed as the rest of us, forcing me to watch their flashers for 10 miles that it pisses me off.

  6. Wild…. Thanks for the correction. I know I have been caught in some driving rains while riding the bike, and I am the first one to pull off and get some coffee. It isn’t ME riding in the rain I am afraid of. So I get your frustrated!

  7. Yes, yes, yes, oh my God yes.

    If it’s raining hard enough to turn on your flashers it’s raining hard enough TO PULL THE HELL OFF THE ROAD.

    Otherwise just flip on the headlights and keep on keepin’ on.

    Went down to Florida a couple of months ago to see a sick relative and got hit by the monsoon in South Cackilacky. And this very thing happened. People PASSING me with their four-ways on. PASSING ME. At 80+ MPH.

    If you can find the chap that started this, Sean, I’ll reload for you. Or provide an alibi. Your choice.

  8. Found your blog, looking for a reason why people would turn on the flashers to drive in the rain, Looks like you are me, Wondering Why in the Heck!!! If that is not bad enough, try riding being a SC school buss at 5:00 AM, Yea they are on the roads that early with their Strobe light flashing the poor sap behind them in the name of safety. Big Yellow busses must be hard too see with out the strobe.