Unfortunately I have to use some unkind language. Please avert your eyes if you are offended by this sort of thing.
Dear Duke Energy Progress,
How fucking stupid are you? My wife’s been doing our bills for a long time. She’s got the computer banking all set up, with the addresses all put in for sending out checks each month. Types a few numbers, hits send, bang-zoom, bills paid. That’s what you idiots want, right? Our money? I guess not.
Just recently you people merged. It was “Progress Energy” here, Duke Power somewhere else. Now it’s “Duke Energy Progress” or some such thing. I don’t give a crap what you call yourself, so long as my power works and the bill isn’t outrageous. But on the back of your bill it has a statement “Remit payment to: Duke Energy Progress, PO Box 1003, Charlotte, NC 28201.
Now my wife, being the logical sort of person she is, remitted payment to that address. So imagine her surprise when the check came back “Return to Sender, Unable to Forward.” Ummm. What?
I, sensing my wife’s clear inability to calmly and rationally explain her predicament to the poor fool manning the phone, made the customer service call. After punching about 100 buttons on the phone to get to the right department…
- Me – Hey, the check from the bank got returned to us as undeliverable.
- Him – Well, I can give you the new address that starts next month, it’s Duke Energy Progress, PO Box 1003, Charlotte, NC 28201
- Me – That’s the address we sent it to.
- Him – It doesn’t work till next month.
- Me – (Inside Voice) Are you fucking shitting me? Who the fuck is so stupid that they print an address that doesn’t work on a bill sent to hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of customers? No one, that’s who. Except you assholes. (Outside Voice) Oh, well thank you. Could you please explain to your bosses that printing an address that doesn’t work on the power bill doesn’t make a whole lot of sense?
- Him – Yes sir.
Duke Energy Progress, you are officially the stupidest people I’ve dealt with all week. And that includes the women on Facebook pissed off that they couldn’t find their particular bra size at Victoria’s Secret.
Remind me someday when I’ve calmed down to explain to you why I consider “I don’t fit the bras sold in ‘normal’ stores” to be a shining example of “First World Problems.” You are on Facebook, so clearly you have an internet connection. Google “Bra Store” plus your city name. Go there. Get fitted. Done.
And women wonder why men don’t seem to care about whatever it is they are bitching about.