“Bateman, Colonel Bateman” is at it again

The Left’s second favorite anti-gun (LT) Colonel (After full bird Colonel Jack Jacobs) is at it again. This time he ventured forth from Firebase (Formerly Great) Britain into the wilds of Suburban AmeriKKKa. And he didn’t like what he saw. (link safe, it goes to Captain’s Journal)

Last month I was traveling, in part with my wife and daughter, and I began to notice something. There were a lot more concealed weapons there than I remember seeing before. Four times in the space of just a few days I noticed men carrying pistols under their shirts, in restaurants, stores, and even in a children’s play area of a shopping mall. This craze, which seems new to me because I have been serving overseas for so long, is taking place not just on the streets or in bars, but in family restaurants and places where we all shop. So that is a part of the solution.

“Four times in the space of just a few days” this desk jockey noticed a concealed carrier. All men, none women.  Let me show you how it looked.

Get Shorty Airport Scene from Adam Fletcher on Vimeo.

There are times where I wish I had a movie (or even a cartoon) production company on hot standby. For your entertainment, here’s my script.

Scene: A restaurant in Suburban AmeriKKKa. It’s crowded, it’s lively, but there’s an undertone of menace.

Characters

  • LTC BATEMAN: In uniform
  • MISS BATEMAN: His Daughter
  • MRS BATEMAN: His Wife
  • HOSTESS
  • YOUNG BOY
  • BABY
  • DINERS

 

LT COLONEL BATEMAN (From Behind): (In a BAD British accent) (to perky hostess) I’d like a table for three please.

HOSTESS: What name, please?

LTC B: (from front) (like James Bond) Bateman, Colonel Bateman

The camera pans upward from his shiny boots to his face and we see a flash of all his medals.

YOUNG BOY: (In awe) Are you a Soldier?

LTC B: Yes, I’m a Lieutenant Colonel in the US Army

YOUNG BOY: Can I see your medals? What’s this one.

YOUNG BOY points to a Bolo Badge with 4 ladders below it

LTC B: That’s my Power Point Badge. See, it has 4 levels. “Indian Burn, Minor Injury, Serious Injury, and Death!”

YOUNG BOY: Wow!

The undertone of menace grows a bit. LTC B stands and addresses the hostess.

LTC B: (To HOSTESS) I didn’t see a “no guns allowed” sign on the door

HOSTESS: Why would we put one up? It wouldn’t stop the criminals. They’d just ignore it.

The undertone of menace becomes the dominant theme, LTC B looks around the room, seeing bulges everywhere, in all sorts of unlikely places. It’s the first 40 seconds of the above scene from Get Shorty.

The final shot “gun” is a nickel plated Baretta 92FS in the hands of a 3 year old in a high chair. He’s holding it upside down by the barrel and the handgrip, with the trigger guard towards his mouth. His mouth has peanut butter and jelly on it.

LTC B: ARRGH!

LTC B reenacts the Elias death scene from Platoon right there on the floor of the restaurant. We look over his shoulder to see that the “Gun” is actually the remains of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich that the child is eating.

YOUNG BOY: Does your dad have PTSD from being “in the shit?”

MISS BATEMAN: Naw, he got it from playing Call of Duty for 6 months while deployed to England.

Scene shifts to a mental hospital. LTC B is fingerpainting.

DOCTOR A: I told you that he wasn’t ready to be released

MRS BATEMAN: You were right, doctor.

SCENE.

Anyone want to make this?

4 responses to ““Bateman, Colonel Bateman” is at it again

  1. Sean, classic! When Master Bateman first popped up, he was quickly identified as being a REMF. He has not been “in the shit” and personifies elitist, tight-assed staff officers that have never been “in the shit” and will do everything they can not to ever go there.

    Plus the toad needs a lot of PT.

    TAH entry for further reading: http://thisainthell.us/blog/?p=38794&cpage=1

  2. robertsgunshop

    I’ve never really understood just who this asshat is and why his opinion seems to be so important. Did I sleep through that part?

  3. Robert: Well, you have to understand the nature of Leftists. They adore credentials, especially when they don’t understand them. The idea that a REAL SOLDIER!!! is telling them what they want to hear just butters their muffins.

    The fact that he’s a REMF, with about zero command experience and no Combat Infantryman’s Badge even after 13 years of the Global War on Terror even though his actual branch (claimed) is Infantry ought to tell you everything you need to know about his actual credentials.

    But Leftists don’t know anything about the Army. They just assume that he’s a Leftist Captain America.

  4. robertsgunshop

    Even among the leftists, there should be some former military that understands these REMF’s. No CIB says a lot, hell even us dumb old Marines know what that is and what it means. Hell, I have a NDSM, that should make me a expert on something.